Saturday, April 30, 2011

From Slumping to Hunting

                As an official sociologist (that's what is says on my diploma and I'm sticking to it), I thought it would be fun to mix things up a bit and share some insights in all of my years and experiences in this crazy thing we call life.

                The desire to write something like this came about after I had a discussion with my fiancé a couple days ago.  I had read an article on MSN about a man doing a study about the women who go to Ashley Madison (a sleazy site allowing married people to meet, mingle and ultimately indulge in some forbidden fruit if you catch my drift).  He wanted to find out why women chose to break their "vows" (I use the term loosely because they are so easily broken apparently).  The results were very interesting.

                Almost every women he talked to and met with state their reason for infidelity was due to the fact that their husbands had "lost the passion" for the relationship they once had.  Many of them stated that their husbands were so full of love at first that the women almost drowned from the excess romance and attention.  Then, over the years, it dwindled into nonexistence.  It was a great study and one amazing article to read.  Which leaves us to ask, who are we left to blame?  The cheating wives or the loveless husbands?

                So, in my expert opinion, I will attempt to answer.  At the behest of my fiancé, I've got to go with my gut on this one.  Of course, both parties are essentially to blame but sadly, I'm going to lay a tiny bit more fault at the women on this one.

                Before you go smiting me with words, hear me out for a second.  My reasoning isn't based on manly pride but on simple logic.  Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?  Before couples are even married, they have to go through a "courting process".  This is the part where one party (90% of the time, it's the men) tries their hardest to sway their desired lover into agreeing to an exclusive relationship.  Women are practically pampered day in and day out.  Of course they remember the good old days of "passion" because men had to try so flipping hard to get their attention in the first place.

                Now let's turn the tables.  We men are simple creatures.  Feed us, entertain us, and you have our eternal loyalty.  It's not hard.  We're fairly superficial as well.  I'll be the first to admit that I love the fact that women have to do so much (make up, working out, selecting clothes) to make themselves appear desirable.  This is supposed to be a give and take.  But when you really look at it, men are doing the majority of the giving in the early stages of the relationship.

                Don't believe me?  I'll pose this question just to the ladies?  How many times have you paid for the entire meal on a first date?  How many times have you paid for a meal over the course of your current relationship?  I know what you're thinking now.  Trying to jam "gender roles" only strengthens my argument.  Men practically kill themselves to win the favor of the opposite sex.  Depending on the girl, the process can stretch out for years.  After a while, don't you think we get exhausted, even for a little bit?

                Now, I will also admit that there is no excuse for men to hide/suppress their emotions.  Husbands should express their feelings every day and not fall into a rut just because their married.  But if you look at the evidence, what choice do we have?  By the time men get married, they are emotionally exhausted but it doesn't mean they are not full of love.  As we get older, our romantic energy is on reserve power.  We begin to enter a state of routine.  And this is where the confusion starts.

                Men, in our earliest stages in maturity, are wild, unpredictable, and fairly uncontrollable.  What I don't understand is how women don't see that domesticating a man is one of the greatest achievements one can attain.  We're yours, hook, line and sinker.  Our love is in our dedication.  While we may not show it all of the time, sometimes all it takes is to read between the lines.

                Of course, women are somewhat justified when concerning infidelity (even though I personally don't agree with it).  Why men lose passion for the ones they chose to spend the rest of their lives with is beyond me.  Even though I am not married myself, I feel like I've been with my fiancé forever.  I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.  She's my best friend.  If I allowed the passion to slip from my relationship then I honestly wouldn't be surprised that she would seek it elsewhere.  That is why I use whatever energy I can to let her know just how I love her every second I can.

                Marriages are the ultimate form of compromise.  As the divorce rates dance around a coin flips chance, I really want my vows to mean something.  They are beyond words.  This is a conscious choice to spend the rest of my life with one person and one person alone.  Why people can break them so easily shows the true nature of their character.  I have neither empathy nor sympathy for those who follow the path of infidelity and if I had a weighted opinion, I would ban the Ashley Madison website.

                To those who've read this, I hope I've provided a little bit of perspective.  Now, before you do anything else, stand up, find your significant other, and tell them how you feel.  Do this each and every day.  Let them know how you feel.  If you don't communicate your feelings, you'll never know when something is wrong and only have yourself to blame if it inevitably happens.

                Never forget that feeling when you first fell in love.  You'll thank me someday.


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