Monday, May 2, 2011

Discouragement


                Another Monday comes and here I type, wondering if Project Mabus will ever see the light of day.  More rejection letters came today from two agents.  While I do appreciate them responding back to me (be it formally or informally), it’s becoming a bit disheartening at this stage of the game.

                I completed my manuscript almost 2 months ago.  Since then, I’ve been querying agents.  Some have gotten back to me and others remain silent.  I knew this was to be expected.  All of the books I’ve read about the publishing industry had warned me about the nature of the business.  But, I was excited to try it and see what would happen.  I even called my fiancé with the excitement of a 6 year old on Christmas morning when I got my first rejection letter.  She wondered why I was so happy about being denied to which I simply replied:

                “Because, someone noticed me.”

                And I really believe that is what this is all about.  Now that I have been trying my damndest to get my novel onto consumer shelves, receiving all of these rejections is doing tremendous damage to my thoroughly developed ego.  Of course, I know all fiction writers say this but I truly believe my concept is brilliantly unique.  I can safely say this because after scouring the internet and various brick and mortar stores, I haven’t found anything published quite like Project Mabus.  It is a story that needs to be told and one I want to share with everyone out there.

                When I began writing fan-fiction in my earlier writing career (that might sound a bit pretentious since I don’t have much of a writing career to begin with anyways), I always told my readers that I only wrote these stories for their enjoyment.  To be honest, I don’t need to write these stories for any personal sense of fulfillment.  I already know what’s going to happen, from beginning to end.  The Agent M series has been planned out as such.  I could tell you everything you want to know right here and now.

                But where’s the fun in that?

                The truth of the matter is that I can’t enjoy my work the same way the public can. To me, the Agent M series is a project I’ve been itching to write for over 8 years.  It’s been on my mind since I was a freshman in college and it continues to haunt me in many ways.    Finishing the first book in this series is a milestone.  I honestly never thought it would ever come to exist beyond my memory and imagination.  Yet here it stands, ready and waiting to be consumed by the masses.

                Well, I just needed to vent a little bit.  This bump in the road may have weakened my confidence a little bit but is far from destroying it.  I’ll look back at this post a year from now and laugh…  Or cry (haha).  I will continue to remain optimistic.  After all, unlike Agent M: Project Mabus, the future has not been written.

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